Nobody Passes

I know, I know, the end of the month approaches in a few days and the Pride marches and celebrations have almost all passed. Nonetheless, meandering through my consuming weeks here is this post, just in time*.

For this insert I considered Gloria Anzaldua, an excellent Chicana feminist lesbian writer, specifically an excerpt from her Borderlands/ La Frontera, "How To Tame a Wild Tongue", which can be found by clicking on the title. Yes, it is a good and relevant work but not exactly what I was aiming for this month. In regards to Making Gay History, I am still reading along, so far the years are progressing as the interviews branch out and cover the Civil Rights movements of the 60s.

Recently, I received a book of essays I had ordered last month, Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity, curated, compiled and edited by Mattilda AKA Matt Bernstein Sycamore. I haven't yet read it in its' entirety but only a few of the essays, in total there are 27. What delightfully surprised me as I read the essays, is that the authors range from diverse backgrounds, sexes, genders and preferences, there is no clear-cut "typical" characterization within the stories. Instead, what I find in each of the authors is an account of not passing. In not passing I refer to the borderlands, beyond the established parameters, those of us that do not pass unto common grounds, the outsiders. Within this cornucopia of authors and stories I have found a few I'd like to briefly share.

First is "Friction Burn: A Nonfiction Admission" by Stacey May Fowles. The author of this piece opens with the description of the relationship with her mother, as she proceeds to reveal her unsuccessful relationships with men. A few paragraphs in, one begins to see why, how easy is it to find a complementing partner that will willingly participate in her sadomasochistic tastes? She speaks of her scars and of her difficulty in revealing herself to those around her, including her mother. She wavers on the line between sadomasochism being degrading towards her gender, and having a preference, liking SM.

I will steal this moment like I have stolen so many others, and I will turn it into a self-aggrandizzing piece on sadomasochism that will inevitably embarrass. 

The conclusion is choice, she demands her right to a choice and this right in itself negates sadomasochism being degrading to her.

I wanted a choice. I wanted to decide. I want him to beat me because I want to receive things asked for rather than to be surprised by a sudden fist. 

It's not easy to fit in and pass with these preferential demands but as many of us already know, one learns to cope, to deal and eventually one finds a niche and a comfort, wether it be small or large.

The second essay, "And Then You Cut Your Hair: Genderfucking on the Femme Side of the Spectrum" by Amy André and Sandy Chang, I found unique and revelatory. It's in interview format, a back and forth discussion on what it means to be woman, queer, cutting one's hair, blurring gender lines, the use of fashion within these contexts, the significance of being a "minority", of community and of identity. Sandy Chang is an Chinese American and Amy André a mixed-race African American Jew.

Enriching experiences sprinkle the conversation as the two divulge on the dichotomies inherent to the femme, genderqueer idiosyncrasy. There is a nascent urge for fluidity in sexuality, the denial of clear-cut parameters. As Amy states halfway through the conversation:

Gender is performance. 

The destruction of stereotypes is necessary and beneficial and that is what laces Amy and Sandy's interchange of experiences and ideas. Sandy ends:

I think we're moving toward a place where people have greater access to a range of gender expressions. [...] I would hope that there's more freedom for people to do that, without fear of judgement. That's the direction I hope we're heading in, one of more fluidity.  

I will end with these two for today, tomorrow will great the day with two or maybe even three more. I highly recommend Nobody Passes, so far it has been an unveiling treat to read.